When I disappear the World appears

Dear friends

Earlier today I was walking by myself through a beautiful park on my way to Shabbat services at the Shul. As I was walking I started to think about what I should share in this weekly email. But my wiser self was saying: ‘Why now?’ Why don’t you just be present in this walk?’

You see, I was not raised to be present…I was raised to be productive, to be efficient and not waste time. And so, for years and years, I was trying to do my best to fit in and to do what was expected of me. I had some setbacks…I divorced at the age of 28, returned to my homeland and tried again to be a productive member of society. I managed to work at my father’s business which allowed me to be flexible with the hours and go back to school. I did not like the work but it paid for my living, since being a single mom was not easy. I also worked on getting my bachelor degree in Hebrew Literature and The Art of Theater. Spending one more year studying Jewish Philosophy (quite often needed to answer people around me asking, what the hell are you going to do with these subjects). Every moment of my day was calculated to fulfill my tasks… until I collapsed…(age 37).
Now I can call it a mental breakthrough…

Back to my morning walk….

Listening to my higher, wiser self I started to notice my body on the walk… The way my feet rolled from toes to heel, the way I could feel the earth beneath my feet (wearing Minimus NB shoes allows that), the sound of my breath and how rhythmic it was…I could hear many sounds around me; Dogs barking, children playing at a distance, birds singing, trees breathing… Going uphill I felt my back leaning forward, and so inspired by the uprightness of the trees I started to take smaller steps. At the last hill I felt an emotion that brought tears into my eyes. I did not follow it or try to understand it. It came up and went away… 

And so my friends, what I wish to share with you today is this experience I had, of just walking and in doing so, tuning into the richness, the fullness of the present moment.

For When I disappeared the world appeared.

With love and appreciation