Dear friends
Almost every morning last week I woke up with a migraine headache. A chronic illness which had faded away, through my spiritual practice, in the last decade. I was trying to understand what has changed in my daily life and the only change I could think of was my new position at a senior living house. In a way, this brought up memories from the time my mother was ill…
Mother
I ‘inherited’ the migraines from my mother as if the only way to internalize mother in my body was in the adoption of this common chronic pain. …As if through the pain I could understand her… our distance form one another…the inability to communicate…to connect. I also wondered if the common psychosomatic symptoms resulted from my inability to depart, my inability to let go, like we shared one body, which caused the need for a physical cutting off so that I could define the boundaries of my body, and separate from her….
“My mother defined herself as a sick woman due to her migraines as of which she denied herself an active life. She stayed away from sunlight and deprived herself of long trips and kept a meticulous routine of regular meals and rest. I wished to differ, see myself as a healthy woman and lead a normal life. Luckily for me there was an enormous change in the subscription medicine available to treat this kind of pain. Some of it was very efficient but of course, there was a price to pay, it had its toll on the body. When the drugs began to fail due to overdoses, came the time to look elsewhere. Thus began the search for the mental aspects of adopting such a chronic disease, and without devaluing the genetic components shared by my mother and me, think of the connection between mind and body.
McDougall (1998) claims that because babies cannot think in words, they respond to emotional distress in a psychosomatic way. When a grown up constantly responds similarly in the same circumstances and develops a serious disease, it can be concluded that this is an archaic form of mental functioning that does not require language.” (Disentanglement – my thesis)
And then for me (as for us all) there is Mother Earth…
Tadasana (mountain pose)
An asana that is taken in the beginning and at the end of Surya Namaskar sequence. A foundation pose necessary to master, before one can go into other standing poses. Tadasana helps us get firmly rooted through our feet, and teaches us to establish the center of balance within our body.
“Nothing lasting can be built on a shaky foundation. This is why tadasana is considered by many yoga traditions to be the starting point of asana practice….
This body position is also uniquely human, because humans are the only true biped mammals on the planet. Humans are also the least stable of creatures, possessing the smallest base of support, the highest center of gravity, and (proportionately) the heaviest brain balancing atop it all.” (Leslie Kaminoff, Amy Matthews)
How to:
Stand with feet parallel, the bases of your big toes touching and your heels slightly apart. Spread weight evenly across your feet and activate the muscles that you need to support a good posture.
Lift sternum, broaden through your chest. Allow your shoulder blades to draw toward each other and down your back, away from your ears.
Let your arms relax alongside you, palms facing forward.
Balance your head directly over your hips and gaze straight ahead.
Breath.
I too suffer the pains of my mother. She had Rheumatoid Arthritis and I have the same autoimmune disease plus two more Lupus and Sjogrens. These diseases especially the RA has caused a lot of pain, suffering and deformities in my body. There are new medicines today to treat these diseases but they did not work for me. My hands and feet are still going through changes and each day I notice new pains and changes in structure. I was surprised when my feet started to get numb; my toes started to ache upon touching them and now the bottoms of my feet have started to hurt when I walk. I also suffer from a family illness of Hypertension and Chronic Kidney Disease as a fallout. I try to keep going with the structure because without it I don’t think I would last and can’t see myself sitting in a chair doing nothing. The spinal stenosis in my lumbar and cervical spine and the scoliosis has responded well to my yoga practice and physical therapy.. My pottery making is on hold but I have started my jewelry-making again. Without structure in my life I believe I would not last long. So I’m trying to practice 4 to 5 days a week to combat the dysfunction in my body and the major depressive episodes of my mind. I have started eating better and feel stronger after my last hospitalization. I believe yoga, meditation and art has helped me and I thank you and Boas for your support through my crises last year. I have been off the narcotics for pain since December 8, 2022 and I’m on a tiny dose now to avoid withdrawal symptoms that appear from nowhere maybe to remind me of the 20+ years I spent taking them for pain relief.
Thank you for sharing dear Elisabeth.
You are an inspiration to all of us.
It takes a lot of courage to get off narcotics after so many years.
May you be happy and free.
With Love
Nurit
This is so beautifully written. I have learned a lot from reading this article. And your mother was a beautiful woman. This is the first photo I’ve seen of her. You have endured a lot and dealt with it in such a positive way.
You are A big inspiration to me. As I read this, I am wondering if some of my bipolar disorder is not only genetic, but a form of what you have described as babies internalizing emotions.( If I understand this correctly).
When I was a very young child, at The tender age of two, my mother, lost a full term baby, and I believe that some of my grappling with depression began when she withheld her affection from me, not consciously. She was in a state of mourning and tremendous loss, so she temporally was unable to give me when I was accustomed to Receiving in boundless continual love and attention. My father was also grieving, and neither of them can comfort each other is they’re both so sad at this loss of his full-term child.
Thank you so much for sharing this personal account of yourself with us. It’s so precious to me And has helped deep in my understanding of myself.
My doctor continued to remind me how important structure was to to getting well. This past year I spent much of it feeling sorry for myself, and not having a structure. Now with increased Yiddishkeit, prayer, and yoga, these additions to my life will greatly strengthen me in times to come.
. I am grateful to you for all you have taught me. Looking forward to our continued study.
Love,
Marjorie.